Yes, the services are long. To some, they may seem boring. But to me they are hauntingly beautiful and extremely significant. Yom Kippur. The holiest day of the Jewish calendar. For weeks I prepared both my mind and my soul to take part in the rituals, prayers, and music of Yom Kippur. Instead, I was home in bed, my fever and achy body keeping me from much-needed sleep. And now as Sunday turns into Monday, I’m sitting at the computer attempting to console myself by writing about the profound guilt and disappointment I feel.
Although I know G-d is here with me I cannot feel G-d and although I believe that G-d was with me despite the fact that I had to miss services I still feel lonely. I miss people from my community that I was unable to pray with and I miss hearing the words of my spiritual leaders. I miss the feeling that I get after services, knowing that I made an all-important connection to G-d at a time I needed it the most.
G-d is with me, I know but tonight, G-d seems so far away. I can’t believe I missed it. I can’t believe it’s over.